Chapter Thirteen: Weapons

“My granddaddy didn’t try to become president so you butt pirates could start ‘jacking our planes!” Dukakis shouted, seemingly ignorant to the fact that Aphrodyke and I had even spoken. He pulled a stubby gun with a wooden handle from behind his back. It took me a minute to realize that it was a real-life sawed-off shotgun. The passengers cheered again.

“No!” Aphrodyke screamed. “You fucking imbecile! The spray from that armament is likely to ricochet into our hostages! Furthermore, a weapon of that caliber could potentially lead to a situation of explosive decompression! Put the boomstick away and fight us mano-a-mano, for the civilians’ sake!”

“That only happens if I miss,” said Dukakis in his gruff voice as he cocked the shotgun.

“Ada! EM!” shouted Aphrodyke. I was curious when they had managed to work up a secret code. Ada held out her hand in front of her and suddenly General Dukakis’ shotgun was flying toward her, as well as Aphrodyke’s pistol and a slew of other metal things. Then Ada collapsed to the ground.

“Ada is magnet-shielded, so her own electromagnetic ray will not short-circuit her; however a pulse powerful enough to yank a gun out of a strong man’s hands from three meters was sufficient to drain her remaining battery reserves,” Aphrodyke tried to explain to me.

“But your gun was the only thing…” I started to say, noticing the other passengers glancing at Aphrodyke and me, and at the pile of Ada where our guns all sat.

But before they could get up and come after us, the plane veered suddenly to the right and everyone fell to the left side of the plane, Ada’s heap rolling over to pin me against the wall. “Get the shotgun!” Aphrodyke screamed, as she was picking up her own handgun. I looked beside me and sure enough, even though I was trapped under Ada’s heavy body, Dukakis’ gun was well within my reach. I snatched it up and pointed it at Dukakis as he was recovering from the stumble.

“Put that away now, you pansy. You don’t know what you’re playing with,” he said, inching toward me, hands in front of him. “You heard what your dyke friend said.”

“He does listen!” whispered Aphrodyke.

“Back the fuck off!” I shouted at Dukakis. He stopped moving.

“You only got two shots now, Nancy. You fuck it up and I am on you. You fuck it up too bad and we’re all dead. You, the bitch, your metal girlfriend, all of you.”

“It’s better than what happens if I let you catch us,” I challenged him, pulling the hammers back with my thumb.

“Your faggot ass will love what we’re gonna do to you,” sneered the General.

“Wait,” said Aphrodyke. “How’d you get here? On this plane? We are flying over the ocean and Ada has complete control of everything digital. You have some kind of analog stealth vessel! And the speed with which you intercepted us, it must be close by you at any time! Meaning you have a remote on your person. She pointed her gun at the old lady. “Give us the remote or we start popping hostages,” she said, nonchalantly.

“I don’t negotiate with queer fucking terrorists,” Dukakis said.

“Oh god, please give her the remote,” said the old lady. “I don’t want to be killed by a godless homosexual!” Other passengers started joining in, begging Dukakis to give the remote to Aphrodyke.

His jaw clenched. For a second it seemed like he was seriously considering punching them all in the face just so he could deal with us his way. Then he said, “It’s in my pocket. I’m reaching in to get it.” Aphrodyke nodded. Dukakis stuck his hand in his pocket.

Suddenly the plane jerked again. Dukakis jerked his hand out of his pocket and it was gushing blood. Aphrodyke rushed forward, keeping the gun to his head. She looked at his hand.

“Laceration, caused by something sharp.” She reached in his pocket.

“Hey, that’s a privilege I save for the second date,” Dukakis said. “And for non-freaks.”

She withdrew her hand, a ceramic knife coming out in her grasp. Then she reached around to his other pocket and pulled out some piece of metal covered in blinky lights and toggles like an alien spaceship from the sixties.

In the meantime, with all the stress, and with Ada’s unconscious weight on me with her soft skin and perfect complexion, and all the turning and shaking the plane was doing… my dick was getting hard, again.

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