And fuck my fleshy shell because it chose that exact moment to trigger an LSD flashback.
As the chopper descended I saw Ada transform into her battle form. She was like a Gundam, robotic panels shifting as weapons emerged from her arms and back. Her ear pulled off on a servo, folded over her eye and served as one of those targeting things that people from the future always have in movies. I could hear the high whir of fine machinery surround me like a cloud of locusts.
Of course, Aphrodyke insists that none of it was actually like this and it was only the trip that made it all seem like that, but all I have to go on is what I saw.
While we were still about 20 feet over the treetops, Ada kicked out the door of the chopper and dove out. I jumped out after her and drifted to the earth like a candy wrapper thrown out the window of a city apartment. We landed and waited in battle stance for Dukakis.
His helicopter was flitting back and forth, buzzing with an infernal moan as it maliciously barrel rolled and descended on us. It sprung to the ground and its skids unfurled into jointed insectile legs to absorb the impact.
I heard a roar building up inside the thorax of the helicopter. It shit out a huge oozing turd and the turd unfolded into a giant hulk of a man, wet with fecal afterbirth. He was still roaring and smoking a giant cigar, his mouth a horizontal slit in his huge square face, which was topped with a grey flat-top haircut. A jagged scar crossed his eye.
Below the neck he wore a military uniform with dozens of metals jangling a harmony dangling off the chest. The sleeves were torn off and muscular arms as big around as my torso bulged out the openings. Veins threatened to burst through the skin.
“Drop those faggy fucking weapons or I will rip your gay-ass limbs off!” He yelled, his neck threatening to consume his ragged face.
Three more soldiers were shat out of the helicopter, wearing all black, covered in body armor and wearing gas masks. The hoses of the masks writhed and clicked and snaked around like medusa hair.
The second they emerged, Ada raised her arm and vines covered in roses leapt from her arm in a twirling cone. One of the soldiers was caught in the vines and dragged to the ground. As I lost sight of him in the foliage, the tendrils were tearing at his mask and pushing into his mouth and eyes.
The other two soldiers rolled away and raised machine guns to us. General Dukakis turned his head toward the sky and opened his mouth so wide I thought his head was going to bisect. He howled a sound like trying to shift a manual transmission without having the clutch down and started to jump towards Ada.
The vines on the one soldier were dying down and I walked over to him. He was writhing only a little. I grabbed his machine gun.
The other soldiers were shooting at Ada, but their bullets went right through her. I turned to look at the other side of their helicopter. There was another Ada there, having some kind of epic showdown with General Dukakis.
“You fucking bitch dyke! I will stick my dick down your throat and pull the trigger and blow your twat-chomping face right off!”
He had a sword in one hand and a shotgun in the other and was going at her with both of them. With one swing he clipped her shoulder. She seemed unaffected, but the other Ada on the other side of the chopper flickered and swarmed away like a cloud of fireflies. The soldiers were looking around for a second. Before they saw me, I raised the machine gun I was holding and pointed it at them and held the trigger until it stopped shaking in my hands. While I was doing that the two soldiers were turning into a swarm of little pink and black frogs and hopping away.
I turned back to Ada. Some skin was missing from her face and the metal showed through like in Terminator. Dukakis was still holding his sword but it was broken off a few inches up. He was swinging his shotgun around and shooting off rounds at Ada. She was dodging and trying to punch him and they were both twirling around and it was even kind of beautiful. I walked closer to get a good view.
Then I noticed one of the little frogs was on me. I started flailing around trying to get it off me. I tried hitting it with the butt of the machine gun I was holding but it slipped out of my hands which were really hurting for some reason. The little frog hopped away but when I looked up my gun hit Dukakis in the temple and he fell to the ground. Ada and Aphrodyke and I climbed into the thorax of the other helicopter and both helicopters began to fly away.
“My hands hurt...” I said.
“Let me see them,” said Aphrodyke. I raised up my hands and showed them to her.
“Holy fuck! What did you do?”
“I just got a gun from the vine guy but the other two guys turned into frogs,” I said.
“These burns on your hands are easily third degree! How did you not feel that?”
Ada interrupted our conversation. “I think he’s having an LSD flashback. During the battle he grabbed a gun from the soldier I hit with the flamethrower. It was probably still quite warm, as the guy was still on fire. Still, good work. You did manage to mow down two of the soldiers and disable the General. Not bad for a computer nerd,” she said.
“I feel nauseous,” I said. But before I could vomit I passed out.
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